Parenting now | Loving Your Parents – Imam Johari

I knew that I would never see him conscious again. So before the doctors placed my father on the life support machine, I deliberately lagged behind as my family left the room.

As soon as my mother, brother, sister, and husband stepped out the door, I turned and darted back to my father.

You see, I had something important to tell him. I had to tell him that I loved him. I stroked his hand and whispered the words in his ear. I kissed him and then I had to leave him.

I’ve often agonized over that final moment. Did my father hear me? Did he know that I meant it with all of my heart?

The Lord’s Pleasure is Connected to the Parents’ Pleasure

Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala speaks about the importance of honoring one’s parents in the Qur`an, placing it second only to the worship of and pleasing Him.

“Worship Allah and join not any partners with him; and do good to parents…” (An-Nisa 4:36)

“Your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to your parents…” (Al-Isra’ 17:23)

“And we have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) ‘Show gratitude to Me and to your parents – to Me is (your final) Goal.'” (Luqman 31: 14)

The Example of the Prophets and Salaf

How do we love, respect and revere our parents? We should take the cue from the Prophets `alayhimus salaam and the righteous Salaf (pious predecessors) who fully understood our parents’ exalted position and strove hard to fulfill their rights.

Allah praised Yahya `alayhis salaam for he was kind to his parents in their old age – “And (Prophet Yahya was) dutiful towards his parents and he was neither arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents).” (Maryam 19: 14)

He also singled out `Isa `alayhis salaam who was devoted to his mother – “…And dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, un-blest.” (Maryam 19:32)

Asir ibn Jaabir radhiallahu `anhu narrated: Whenever people would come from Yemen, `Umar radhiallahu `anhu would ask them, “Is Uways Al-Qaranee amongst you?” until, one year, he met Uways. He said, “Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar contin- ued, “From Muraad, then Qaran?”

He said, “Yes.” `Umar then asked, “Were you once af- flicted with leprosy and your skin healed ex- cept for a dirham’s area?” Uways said, “Yes.” `Umar finally asked, “Do you have a mother (that is alive)?” He said, “Yes.” `Umar then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah – sal- lallahu `alayhi wa sallam – say, ‘Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran.

He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area.

He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath.

If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you.'” `Umar then requested from Uways, “Ask forgiveness for me.” And Uways Al-Qaranee did.

Look at how Allah honored Uways – he fulfilled his every du`aa because he was dutiful to his mother.

Al-Hasan al-Basri said, “Birr towards parents entails obeying their orders, except when what they order is in disobe- dience of Allah.

In contrast, `Uquq en- tails neglecting parents and withholding one’s kindness from them.” (Ad-Durr al- Manthur)

In fact, disobeying our parents is a griev- ous sin – Abu Bakrah Nufay’ ibn al-Harith said, “The Messenger of Allah sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam asked us three times, ‘Shall I tell you the greatest sins?’ We said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allah!’ He said, “Associating partners with Allah and disobeying one’s parents.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

The Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam reminded us not to incur our parents’ displeasure when he said, “The Lord’s Pleasure is connected to the parents’ pleasure and the Lord’s Anger is con- nected to the parents’ anger.” (Kitabul- Kabair)

Look at this narration of Abdullah ibn Abu Aufa about the man who had wounded his mother’s feelings:

A man’s status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, ‘How did I get here?’ He will be told, ‘By your son’s du’aa’s (prayers) for forgive- ness for you.'” (Ibn Maajah)

The fact of the matter is that no matter what and how much we do, we can never fully repay our parents for all that they have done for us. Ibn `Umar saw a Yem- eni making tawaf of the Ka`bah, carrying his mother.

The man said, “I have car- ried her more than she carried me. Do you think that I have paid her back, O Ibn `Umar?” He replied, “No, not even one contraction. However, you have done good and Allah will reward you tremen- dously for the little that you could do.” (Al-Kaba’ir)

**Birr Towards Our Parents**

There are many ways in which we can be dutiful to our parents. This list is by no means exhaustive:

1. Go to every extent to please them: We should make our parents’ happiness and comfort a topmost priority. Dhibyaan ibn `Ali ath-Thawri radhiallahu `anhu used to travel with his mother to Mak- kah. When they rested, he would dig a little pool, fill it with cool water and invite his mother to sit in it so she could be pro- tected from the searing heat.

Mu`awiyah ibn Qurrah used to praise his son saying, “What an excellent son, he took care of my life affairs for me and that allowed me to concentrate on mat- ters of the Hereafter.” (Hilyatul-Auliya’)

2. Protect their feelings: We should never cause our parents grief or hurt them even by a fraction. Allah said, “And your Lord has decreed that you wor- ship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old